Thursday, October 30, 2014

Bad Marriage Advice

When you get married, everyone has to put in their 2 cents… And I do mean EVERYONE. From the never been married folks--to the people who have been married 6 times--and everyone in between. Some of it sounds really great in theory… And some of it you hear so many times, you assume it must be true. The longer I'm married, the more I realize most of the junk I heard is an absolute crock.

1) Happy wife happy life. Now, there is some truth to this statement. But isn't a happy husband important, too? Do not use this little adage to treat the good man you married like garbage. Stitch it on a pillow if you must, ladies… {BUT} Be kind to your husband or you may wake up one day without one. Seeking to make yourself happy all the time to his detriment will make you a FIRST wife. And I promise that will make you anything but happy. 

2) You can only be happy if you're old enough/rich enough/have all your junk together before you get married. Balderdash. I am a firm believer that age & financial status have NOTHING to do how happy a couple will be when they wed. It has everything to do with their commitment level. Some of the most miserable people I know have incredibly charmed {and meticulously planned out} lives. Some of the happiest people I know have nothing but each other {we were that couple}. When we got married, we lived in a 700 square foot apartment. We had a bunch of hand-me-down furniture, one car worth less than $3,000, a newborn baby, and our dreams. That was it.  Well, that and our commitment to each other. And you know what? I'd do it again.

3) If you're going to be married that long, you'd better see eye to eye. Wait. What? How is someone supposed to be find someone to marry who thinks exactly like them? A spouse is not a minion, so don't expect them to be! You ARE going to have disagreements in marriage. And you know what? That's a good thing. Marriage is incredibly refining if we let it be. Your spouse will change you for the better, if you let them. Let your spouse's differences infiltrate your heart & open your mind to new possibilities. My husband and I are very yin and yang. We could not be more opposite. And while it can be frustrating sometimes, I like it that way! We balance each other out and give each other what the other lacks.

4) Don't go to bed angry. This one sounds good in theory. But you know what can happen if you stick to this one? You stay up until 3am feeling intense pressure to work your junk out. Then out of frustration and sleep deprivation, you'll inevitably end up saying {or screaming} a bunch of stuff you'll really regret. {Not that this comes from the voice of experience or anything…} Sometimes cooling off is necessary--and sleep is ALWAYS good for a marriage!

5) Always say what you feel. Really? I should always tell my husband all of his annoying habits? And he should always tell me when I could use some more makeup? Some things really are better left unsaid. Unless, of course, they are out of love for your partner. Don't go sneaking around & keeping secrets, but DO filter yourself. People who ALWAYS say what they want in the moment they want to say it… Well…

So there ya have it. My unsolicited marriage advice. Of course, feel free to chuck it out the window if it doesn't work for you. The only one who can tell you what works and what doesn't is Y-O-U. Hey, do your OWN thang.

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