Thursday, November 20, 2014

Just Keep Swimming

If you've ever wondered why I call myself the Messy Mrs, let me enlighten you. I have to be the most ridiculous hot mess of a person I know. I frequently trip on air, I once spilled so much baked beans in my hair I reeked of baked beans for DAYS, and I am very acquainted with the whole "you break it, you buy it" mantra in stores I have no business walking into. In addition to being born with very limited motor skills, ridiculous things often happen to me as well. My friends often say to me "why do these things always happen to you?" I don't know, dear friends. But if you figure it out... let me know. I'll hug you. And probably snag your favorite sweater on my bracelet. You know what? Keep your distance. Better safe than sorry.






Yesterday is a great example of such ridiculousness. I woke up, poured myself some coffee, and looked over my to-do list for the day. "Not so bad", I thought. It's like I bring the messes on myself with thoughts like that. Seriously Sara?? Not cool.


I had been putting air in my tire all week & it kept going low. So that was priority one. My son failed his vision screening at school, so picking up from school & taking him to the eye doctor was next. Next, I had to pick up a coworker's corporate credit card to go get some supplies for an event this week. The last thing on my list was picking up two turkeys for a Thanksgiving dinner I'm doing for a client. Not bad, right?

WRONG. Dead wrong!

It started out OK. I got my tire fixed.

And that's when it happened. That's where the train came off the tracks.

My son did NOT want glasses. He was pretty convinced he failed the test at school because he was tired, and he'd have this whole redo thing licked. However, he started wigging out at the possibility that he could be wrong--so let me tell ya, he was 112 shades of cranky the whole way down there. I felt like I got him calmed down by the time we pulled into the parking lot. And while we're at it, we should note that our pediatrician referred us to an eye doctor over half an hour away, which is a long time for me to deal with crankiness. I try to be empathetic, but I have a very low threshold for whining, people. And by that, I mean I promised him a milkshake if he ended up needing glasses. Don't judge.

We walked in to the doctor's office & checked in. The receptionist tells us our appointment has been cancelled. Um. WHAT?! No, no, no. We booked this appointment two weeks ago, and I just made the half hour schlep enduring my own personal Vietnam. We're getting seen. I was polite about it, and I explained that I had already kept him out of school & we drove a while to get here, so it didn't make sense that we would go through all that trouble if we had cancelled. The receptionist got kinda snippy with me but agreed to squeeze us in. And by "squeeze in", she apparently meant keeping us waiting for two hours. I didn't feed my son lunch because I {stupidly} assumed we would be done before lunch. So whereas I would've just had a cranky kid who didn't want glasses, I now had a cranky AND hangry kid. FANTASTIC. I pulled out a granola bar I keep in my purse for emergencies, but he decided he no longer likes those kind of granola bars. You know what, kiddo? Eat it or be hungry, but either way I won't tolerate any more whining. Parents shouldn't be subjected to three hours of their own offspring's whining. I feel like that's even in the Geneva Convention or something.

They finally called us back for the initial exam, which he failed. So they had to dilate his eyes. Let me tell you… A cranky, hangry kid who's nervous about glasses + eye dilation that makes his vision worse = meltdown. After waiting for another half hour, the doctor told us he needed glasses. EPIC MELTDOWN. This time he was more sad than whiney. I was so heartbroken for him. He was so scared of being called a nerd, and devastated by the possibility of being made fun of. The doctor gave us the prescription for glasses, and explained to us that they did have some glasses available, but we'd have greater selection at an Eyeglass World, so away we went. On our trek back up to our neck of the woods, while trying to explain how trendy glasses are right now, the light for the low tire came back on. So low I thought it went flat. UGH. At least the tire place is right next to Eyeglass World. I figured I'd drop off the car and we'd walk over to Eyeglass World. No big deal, right? WRONG AGAIN. We walked in to Eyeglass World & explained the situation, only to find out they don't take our insurance. At this point, I try not to have a meltdown of my own. We walked back to the tire place to pick up my car, and I asked them if it was {legit} fixed this time. They promised me it was. I considered asking for a blood oath, but decided to go on my way.

We finally made it to Steak N Shake for lunch to give my heartbroken buddy a shake. The poor fella sort of moped through lunch. Y'all, if a milkshake can't fix it, there's no hope.

On the way out, I called another family eye care clinic. They didn't answer. You know what? I was going to persevere at that point. We'd come this far. I'm going to finish this if it was the last thing I did. I figured we'd just show up with our prescription and explain our situation. They told us they could see us today, but their phones & internet were down. Of course they were. Someone finally got a hold of our insurance company using their cell phone, and our insurance company told them that the first eye doctor had already authorized buying the glasses. {Breathe, just breathe…} They undid all that with the insurance company, but it took 40 minutes. JUUUUST long enough for munchkin to start wigging out about wearing glasses again. Ay yi yi….

Bumming hard

We finally got a pair chosen, stopped off to pick up the credit card, and the turkeys? Those weren't happening today. I just wanted to get home to my sweatpants & Netflix at that point. Something that should've taken an hour or two ended up taking six.

We got home, and the coat I had ordered for munchkin THREE weeks prior finally arrived. In a ripped box--and the coat was nasty, wet, and completely destroyed. Seriously?

What can you do in those situations? Just keep swimming.






But seriously though--look how dadgum cute he looks in those glasses!


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