Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Women's Clothing Rant

Ugh. I hate the women's clothing industry sometimes! I love looking cute & trendy as much as the next person, but GOOD GRIEF! WHY OH WHY does shopping for women's clothes have to be so dang difficult?! I'm tired of putting so much emotional energy into how to be appropriately dressed all the time. I'm tired of spending so much time making sure my skin is covered. I'm tired of the revolving door of trends. I'm just tired of the whole process. Here are some of my biggest beefs with women's clothing:

  • Trends: Every year season, some mythical, mysterious high-priestesses get together and decide everything in every woman's closet is now deemed too ugly to be worn in public. All women need all new stuff, they say--so these priestesses throw out ideas for what they need. Neon, animal print, chambray, colored jeans, boots (but not the same boots they already have--oh no--those are too socially unacceptable to even speak of, let alone wear!), and the list goes on and on. Think about all the trends of years' past--trends that every woman had to get their hands on, then the next year it was out like rusty lawn furniture in a tornado. I looked around me recently and realized low-rise boot cut jeans are the new mom jeans. You know what? I don't care! I'm wearin' 'em anyway! I demand we make a strike for freedom. They new mom jeans are still pretty-dang-cool compared to the ones of yesteryear, so I say it's high time we stop going out in droves to the store to buy whatever the next trend of the minute is. To heck with those high-priestesses!

  • High maintenance clothes: Good grief. Do I really need to separate my laundry out in 12 piles?! What happened to good-old-fashioned hot, warm, and cold? Oh, no! These weird fabrics like rayon and viscose practically demand a string quartet playing as they bubble & tumble. I recently got a shirt as a gift, and it felt like a weird fabric I'd never felt before, so I checked the tag. I kid you not, it said: Do not wash. Do not use detergent. Do not dry. Do not dry clean. What am I supposed to do?! Bury it at sea?! Dear priestesses: If you're listening, PLEASE make your "in" list contain ONLY plain-ole-cotton clothing.

  • Barely there fabric: This one drives me bonkers. It doesn't matter if you're talking about sundresses or sweaters: there's an 80% chance you'll see straight through whatever you're wearing without adding any extra layers. I really hate that when I buy a new dress, I need to stop off in a totally different store to pick up a slip too. Every woman I know wears camis under every shirt they own out of sheer {pun intended} necessity. I have my suspicions that this is {again} the priestesses' fault. They WANT us to have to buy seven articles of clothing for one outfit. I would LOVE to be able to dress modestly and not wear an entire load of laundry to do it.

  • Weird cuts: This one ties into number three. The priestesses sit around and say: "Hey! Let's make boat necks a thing. That way women will have to buy new bras to go along with their new shirts! Cha-ching!" Or "Here's another one: Let's make low rise pants so they'll need lower rise underwear. It'll be like a race to inappropriateness! What fun is that?!" Whether you're a man of a woman, stand around and watch a group of women standing around talking. Count how many adjustments they make to their outfits in a 5 minute span. It's appalling. We have to pull up our jeans, pull down the bottom of our shirts {while somehow not pulling it enough so our bras show}, pull up our knee-high boots, pull down our skirts, make sure our cardigans lay right, and so on and so on. And that's just in a standing position. Don't get me started on how long it takes to adjust when I go from sitting to standing & vice versa. STOP THE MADNESS! Husbands: next time you're annoyed because your wife is making you late, you can safely assume she's spent 20 minutes finding an outfit that covers her completely with minimal tugging. Men do not have to wear 15 layers before they leave the house. Low-cut shirts and hip-huggers are not something they need to worry themselves about. Why should the ladies?

  • Crazy clothing sizes: I know I can't be the only one with 3 different sizes in my closet that simultaneously fit me. How hard is it to make sizing be more consistent? I understand different brands will fit differently, but even if you buy all of your clothes in the same store… I promise this will still be an issue for you. 

  • Fluorescent lighting in fitting rooms: WHY OH WHY?! I don't care if you're a Victoria's Secret model, your body will look terrible in that lighting. Dear retailers, do you really want us to buy those bathing suits? If that is the desired impression you all want your consumers to come away with, I guess not. Although, I bet it does a wonder for online workout DVD sales {or donut shops if you go the self-loathing/stress-eating route}.

What are some of your biggest complaints about women's clothes?

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