Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Parenting is f**king hard

Is anyone else as ridiculously excited about the new Adele album as I am? Y'all. I love her music. It's so soulful and honest. In a world of twerking and bubble gum pop, I find it so refreshing. There's no camouflage. No sugar coating. There's just honesty. I dig that.

She did her first interview in three years and she said that parenting is "f**king hard". You know what? She's right. Family life sometimes is just hard. No way around it.

In talking to some of my mom friends, my mind is blown by everything they deal with. 

I have a friend who is juggling therapy appointments for her autistic son and chemotherapy for herself. I have a friend who is dealing with the bureaucracy of state-run speech therapy and family drama and a difficult work situation and she is always worrying that she's getting this wife and mom thing wrong{she's not--by the way}. I have a friend with a colicky baby. She is losing what's left of her mind, and she's feeling immeasurably guilt that she spends the majority of her time wishing to run away screaming. I have a friend who has a toddler who has a love of smearing his poop all over his room so she now has had to resort to duct taping him into his diaper. Speaking of poop, my friend's daughter swallowed a bobby pin that resulted in a poorly timed ER visit and inspecting poop to make sure it came out. I have a friend who told me she was kind of relieved when her husband had to travel on their anniversary because it meant she wouldn't have to shave her legs and go out. I have a friend who has a kid who once projectile vomited all over her brand new laptop. I have a friend who has a fourteen year old daughter who told her that she "hates" her because my friend took her phone away when she found some sexts on it. Every kid will {at some point or another} do something that you swore your kid would NEVER do before you had kids. And it will happen in front of everyone. I could go on, but I guarantee every mom has a list, big or small, on why parenting/family life is freakin' hard.

For me, my husband travels for his job. Like a lot. And I swear… EVERY TIME he goes out of town, my world falls apart. I'm very happy that he's happy and successful with his job, but parenting gets a lot harder when he's not here. One time, I awoke to find my kitchen flooded from the toilet upstairs leaking through the floor. There was no husband to help me shut the water off or get it cleaned up and I still had to get my kid off to school. Hard. There have been more than a few times when I've been trying to get our son to bed and I couldn't get him calmed down because he was missing his daddy so much. Hard. There was one time the pilot light went out and we had no hot water to take a shower. Just in time for bedtime. In the middle of December. Hard. One time I had to be on bed rest for an entire week due to an injury while my husband was across the country. While still figuring out a way to feed our kid and get him to school and football practice. Hard. 

This week, hubby is traveling. Of course, I had a sick kid today. He woke up with a sore throat last night at 3am… JUST as I had fallen asleep. And the dog had a seizure today. And I had a headache for most of the day. And I had a very demanding client that stressed me out. And parenting just seems to be so much harder when my husband isn't here. And about a million other hard things. 

There just aren't enough hours in the day, y'all. But I still somehow have time to dwell on my neurotic thoughts that I'm messing up royally. I have so many times when I watch people around me "doing" parenting better than I do. 

I did manage to go have dinner with two friends very near and dear to my heart tonight. Before I got there, I had to go to the store to buy all the items on my "parenting is freakin' hard this week" shopping list:

Don't judge. Real talk here.

Anyway, after buying my essentials, I went to dinner. And we sat there and talked about how hard it is. There's just SO MUCH to get done. There's SO MUCH on the line. There's SO MUCH potential for it all to go horribly wrong. Can I just tell you how affirming it is to hear that it is, in fact, hard for everyone? I'm not saying I'm happy that my friends have to deal with hard stuff, I'm just saying it's such a relief to know I'm not alone in it. 

We're all in this together, mom tribe. We all have days of routines that go off kilter… days that we're begging our kids to eat something that isn't beige… days of cleaning when it feels futile…days of being disobeyed by our young'ns… days where we are tortured by guilt and regret… and nights of no sleep.

My husband and I have gotten into more screaming matches than we'd like over the years in moments of exhaustion and frustration, but he's still the one I'd pick to go on this journey with.

Because along with the hard moments, there's joy. And kisses. And cuddles. And little fingers and toes. And laughter. And first words. And "I love yous". And hand holding. And singing. And pajamas. And movies. And learning to read. And excitement. And knock knock jokes. And pride. And art that covers the fridge. And adorable pictures that cover our walls--both at home and on Facebook. 

The hard moments can sometimes outnumber the easy ones--but they don't outweigh them. So yeah. Parenting is freakin' hard. And freakin' worth it.

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