Sunday, January 10, 2016

Please Be Strong

A few weeks ago, I woke up in the morning, my feet hit the floor, and I just got swallowed whole. I got swallowed in all those emotions. You know the ones I'm talking about? The ones that hit you like a train… the ones that get up under the skin… the ones that twist your stomach… the ones that rush your heart… the ones that crush your spirit… the ones that make your loved ones suffer…

They can be triggered by anything: and interaction, and exchange, a word, a glance, a thought, an insignificant event, a temperature on the thermostat, a song on the radio, and all the sudden, you go to your crazy place. BOOM! Ugh. I hate it.

There are a lot of emotions that are pleasurable, good, wonderful, or lovely, but we're not talking about those today. Those emotions pick us up off the ground, and they don't swallow us like the "other" ones. Yay for them. I really wish I could have them in moments like I'm describing. 

These types of emotions capture you like a fish hook grab hold of you like they grab that big catch. No matter how hard you kick, scream, and try to get away, you're hooked. No matter how hard you try to find peace, you can't help but show your crazy. 

When I feel these things, I am overwhelmed, hit right in the feels, curled up in a ball, and powerless over how I behave. When I've have these feelings, I put my guard up, I lash out at others, I panic, I cry, I whine, and I've even been paralyzed; frozen in place. It's such a strong current of emotion that I just can't swim. These emotions reduce me to a cranky, crazy child. I feel like a failure, and I just can't put one foot in front of the other.

Have you ever had feelings like these? I do. Every. Single. Day. Every time, I tell myself "you're better than this!" I think "why am I this way?" But I feel "I just can't do anything right now." I convince myself to get out of bed. I stumble downstairs, and I look down, close my eyes and I whisper: "please be strong"

….to my coffee. I take a big gulp, and then all is right with the world. I aspire to be a morning person, but I probably never will. Nope. Can't do it. Thank you coffee! You rock my world, you make me a better person, and pull me out of my morning crazy place that I described above. I'll love you always, and I'll never quit you!

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