Tuesday, January 12, 2016



They can build us up, they can tear us down. What other people say about us or to us can completely change the trajectory of our lives. At least, it did for me. From a very early age, I was labeled as "dramatic" and "exhausting" and "a hassle". There are far worse words that have been placed on me, but these were the earliest ones, and the ones I most believed. These words silenced mine, and they made me pleasing and compliant. I never thought anyone would care or even listen to what I had to say, and I definitely thought no one cared about how I feel. 

Sometimes words can break us, but they can also heal us. Words have to power to empower. My own words that I've written here have enabled me to {finally} trust my own truth.  Of all the words I've learned over the last two years, "no" has been the most foreign to me. "No" means that I exist. "No" means that I have a say. "No" means that I don't have to tolerate maltreatment. "No" means that I'm releasing the broken to embrace the beautiful. "No" means that I'm no longer a doormat. And mostly, "no" means that I can confidently say "YES!" to what God has planned for me. 

My own words have taken me on long walks through my memories, and they've shown me truths I wasn't able to see clearly before. I can't rewrite my story, but I can learn the truth through writing about it. Through my own words, I'm learning the truth about myself, and through that truth, I'm seeing strength, and though that strength, I'm learning to respect myself.

If I could, current me would grab the hand of the me from so long ago, and tell her it's going to be OK, and that she should find herself sooner. I would tell her what real joy means, not the fake joy that comes in her permanent faux smile she wears. I would tell her that smile was just her armor, that it makes her feel camouflaged, and it allows her to pretend that she is strong and happy. I would tell her that's nothing like real joy. I would tell her she is God's masterpiece, and that REAL JOY comes when she finds God's purpose for her life. But mostly, I would tell her that she is WORTH ALL OF God's plans for her. Dear one, you're worth it too!

Two of God's creations: The Grand Canyon, and Me :)

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