Sunday, February 7, 2016

Prayers of My Broken Heart

"We are all broken.
That's how the light gets in."
~Ernest Hemingway

Dear Father of a brokenhearted daughter,

Please hear my call to You. The world around me is shattering. My tears are flowing down my face and my heart is bleeding out all over my keyboard at this very moment. I've been carrying my pain in hiding, and now there's no more hiding it. The more I've isolated myself, the bigger the wounds have gotten. No one tells you that in placing your guard up to protect yourself, you're building walls that becomes the cage that imprisons you. That's what happened to me. The walls I built for shields of self protection became my own little prison that shut everyone else out. I was broken and trying to feel safe, but I ended up feeling more alone, more broken, and more vulnerable than I ever had in my life.

Not all pain comes in the form of an easily recognizable enemy. Sometimes people who bring us pain are people we love. Sometimes we sit across a dinner table sharing a meal with people who break us. Sometimes those people who wound us share the same row in our church sanctuaries. Sometimes those people hug us and profess to love us, but cut us in the deepest and most unspeakable ways. Some wounds physically bruise our skin, and some shatter souls. Who hasn't been crushed by the sins and afflictions of someone else?

My pain came in the form of relatives who hacked our family tree into pieces. It came in abusive relationships. {EDIT: people are writing me asking me if I'm in an abusive relationship--I'm not!} It came in the form of old baggage. It came in the form of people watching my loved ones get victimized and doing absolutely nothing to help. But my greatest enemy is the one I see every day in the mirror. I have to fight the lies she tells me every day.

Oh Lord, please hear my prayer to you. Give us {the broken people} the wisdom to know how to navigate this brokenness. Give us the ability to use our brokenness to heal others. After all, isn't it the ones who are the most broken who are often called to be healers? Give me, your brokenhearted daughter, Your love that surpasses all understanding, and let that love leak out all over everyone I encounter. The only way I have healed is by tending to the other wounded people. My heart hurts SO MUCH for them, Father--their wounds hurt far more than my own wounds.

My sincerest prayer today is that the broken who are buried beneath all the lies be able to whisper to themselves: "I am my beloved's" …and that they actually believe it.

In the name of Jesus--who was the master at becoming broken in order to heal others,

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